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Thursday, December 10, 2009

so today i have been alone. woke up so tired. wanted to go back to bed. didn't. one point holly. i have mostly been on the computer looking at things that i had book marked for later. well today is later and i finally looked at them. i had book marked this post by this awesome lady. i loved the saying at the time i bookmarked it. not today. so i clicked on red letter words to see if something else would help me.

these are what i found
the first one has just helped me with this stinking situation and the second one is just what it says. after this week i feel like i am crazy, insane, loony, stupid, dysfunctional, and should be in some mental hospital. my doctors inform me that i am not even registering on their crazy list, but i don't know if i believe them. keep calm. carry on.
most of you have no idea what is going on in my life and you may never know. please- don't ask me what is going on. please- respect this one thing. i will be fine. i am not yet but i will be. i am sad. i need a place where i can write what i am feeling and not be questioned a million times about what is up. i need a place where i can vent. i am tired of crying, feeling sorry for myself, and being mad. i have decided that maybe writing on this blog will help me. i really don't care what if it helps another living soul or not. i just need it to help me.
i am looking for inspiration and things that will make me feel better. because of the season i love this

and this.
both from red letter word also. adam put up and decorated the tree sunday. he did most of it alone. i did wrap some presents. i haven't put up any of my nativity's. these have always been my favorite part of christmas decorating. just can't seem to make myself put them up this year. maybe next week...

I have decided even further that today i really really do not like
Blue M&M's
being alone
being cold
shopping

I do love
Canada Dry Ginger Ale
peanut butter m&ms (not the blue ones)
chocolate cake
club cracker sticks
and adam. i really really love adam today.

11 comments:

Rachel H. said...

Oh Holly! I can't tell yo how many times I have felt those very same things that were written about. Seriously. Been there. I think 99% of us have! So you are probably not as crazy as you feel. :)

If you ever want to get together, we would love to! ALWAYS. And thanks for your comment on my blog. Meant a lot!!! Hope you have a good, low key evening...and just know, a break is coming SOON and it will make a world of a difference!

Mindy said...

Oooh, I love that Wait Hope Expect one!

Love you, Holly. Hang in there. 10 years down the road you won't cry (as much).

girlsmama said...

Dear Holly,

I don't know, but I can pray. I hope you feel the prayers. I'll pray for you to have strength and find peace.

Melinders said...

Holly-
I really hope things get better for you soon. My heart aches for you. Hang in there and know that you are loved. <3

Alisha said...

Do the blue ones taste different?

Chris and Kat said...

Yeah? I'm with Alisha. In trying to be respectful (which you know I suck at!) I don't want to ask questions. but really? the blue ones? I think they are so happy. So fake and unfood like but happy all the same. You don't have to explain just know that I am a fan. :)
I have a part time job with Keebler so I am glad you like the Snack Sticks. :)
Love you

Alli said...

holly, I agree with the ones that have commented. I have been that way many times in my life with different sadnesses and different struggles in my life. I do know how you feel and I am sure, you are not crazy! although, I am sure you feel like it.. as I have. All the sayings were wonderful!
Been thinking about you! so sorry life is a struggle for you right now! praying for you guys!

haley said...

oh, holly, i don't even know what to say besides i love you and i will do anything you need me to. call me if you ever need someone to talk to, or somone to eat chocolate cake with.
oh, and from one crazy to another... cookie dough helps!!! at least for a few minutes.

Mindy said...

Holly... do the 52 photowalks!! I want to see what you come up with. :)

The Hessey's said...

I love the 2nd one...keep calm and carry on. I have to remind myself of that every day.

I hope you blog again soon :)

Robin

Marci said...

ok so i am a little late to the game on this post.
i really really do know how you felt on this day.
i've felt it myself so many days i can't count them all on two hands and two feet. seriously. i hope that you are feeling better. or at least having good days in between. please, whatever you do, just don't feel all alone. there are many many many ladies who go through it silently and it is so darn lonely at the bottom alone. blog about it or start an art journal or go do the brave girl club soul restoration...it helped me tremendously! you know what i just realized? when you were going through this so was i!!!
anyway...thank you for the sweet comment. i love you and am always just an email or phone call away.
if this is about babies....it does get easier. it'll never fully go away but it does get easier.